In Evelyn, I became keenly aware of my particular pathology.  As with all the girls that preceded her in my affections, I was sure Evelyn was so desirable, so in demand by handsome suitors, that she was unattainable by me.  And so I thought I had no business even trying.  But I was never able to internalize this idea enough to allow me to extinguish my desire and stop wanting her.  I couldn’t bring myself to pursue her, yet I wasn’t able to stop hoping and turn my attention to girls who were more available.  It’s a dilemma I still struggle with.