In Evelyn, I
became keenly aware of my particular pathology. As with all the girls
that preceded her in my affections, I was sure Evelyn was so desirable,
so in demand by handsome suitors, that she was unattainable by me.
And so I thought I had no business even trying. But I was never able
to internalize this idea enough to allow me to extinguish my desire and
stop wanting her. I couldnít bring myself to pursue her, yet I wasnít
able to stop hoping and turn my attention to girls who were more available.
Itís a dilemma I still struggle with.
To Be Continued...
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